That's how I felt today as I went looking for sundresses (I only need one dress) for the wedding I am in this summer. I think I need to invest in a personal trainer or something. This is HORRID! And since yesterday was what I was eating BEFORE I decided to start watching what I eat, I now see why I'm fat!!! 2700 calories for the day. Ugh. It really bothers me. I think over all what bothers me the most is that I have a closet, a dresser, two totes, a suitcase and at least one cardboard box of clothes that right now, do not fit me (and this does not include my maternity clothes). None of my bras that aren't nursing bras fit. This sucks because right before I got pregnant my mom bought me two really cute Victoria Secret bras that I can't wear any longer. Yeah I am wearing size 11/12 jeans but this doesn't do much for my self image. When I got fat in high school thats the biggest I got. And then I lost a lot of weight afterwards and went to a 5/6 in jeans (smallest I could go with the size of my hips). And stayed right around a 7/8 or 9/10. And I was happy with that. I knew I could buy shirts off that rack in med or large and they would fit just fine. I hate clothes shopping anyway and this just makes it worse. That and I wear the same stuff all week long. I only have what fits in my closet and its not much. I only have the one pair of pants that fit right, so going for job interviews is interesting. Its not so much the numbers that gets me. If I looked good and didn't have a pouchy tummy and huge thighs I would be okay. If I weighted 185 and looked good, that would be okay. But I don't!!! Not at all.
In other news, I found out that Jacob likes ice cream. :) yay!
Next spring we will start trying to baby number two. That way they will be a little over two years apart if we were to get pg right off the bat.
Supposedly my brother in law is coming up here sometime this week. I told Jess that was fine but there will be NO drinking in the house if he is here (he's an alcolholic).
Now I am off to clean my house and put a workout DVD in.
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I am right there with you. After two back-to-back pregnancies I am at the largest I have ever been. Now I only clothes shop for Tony & the boys..... it is too depressing to shop for me.
ReplyDeleteI know that you can lose the weight if you really want to. You are very strong (from what I have learned on our boards at iV) and are amazing. We all change post-baby, though... I hope you can find a size that makes you feel at peace with your body again. (((hugs)))
*hugs* size 11/12 is not fat!!! I wear anywhere from an 8 to a 12 and I found a cute sundress at Old Navy! You can do it!!
ReplyDeleteLisa - Thanks. I hated clothes shopping before because I have always had big hips and bigger boobies, so it made shopping hard, but now its just more depressing.
ReplyDeleteLeek - its not really that the numbers bother me, its how I look in them. Ugh. :) But I am working hard towards my goal and hopefully at the end of this month I will start to see results.